Ordination
his porch light shines so bright and it spreads to the end of the world. i threw my horrible love out, and im still out trying to find it. all crumpled and ripped. but in my drunken stomp, i tripped. i think. i think. my eyes are bloodshot and dead, and im shaking god, with fright and fear and dread. how can it feel so right to you?! you devil in god’s robe. you sinner, you don’t belong up there. i screamed with my finger in the air. why can you leave open the door and slam it right in my face, like my pissed of whore? ive lost my name in yours. ive wasted all my time looking for some harmony. ive been praying youd watch over me. but when i die i know ill lose all i built and leave all my guilt. 5 chambers empty, cause one is all ill need. God before i go ive got to tell you something, ive got one thing left to say. please forget me and all i did, i pray. time stops:
all i see is what i knew when younger then. all the faces. all the places. all the living and the dead. thinking back to a conversation i had with my father. that bastard. you see just the day before i saw him beat a kid. he’d stolen liquor. to drown his pain i assume. to try and forget her, whoever she was. i half expected him to pull a gun. at first i cringed as he screamed in agony, but second, i laughed because i knew that it was good. the man looked ruffled and grey, the matching the color of his hair and how he carried on his way. when he spoke, his wisdom outweighed his charm (as he beat that boys head in) he told me of his hidden tattoo of a woman, he said was love, on his arm. its liquor now but its your soul in hell. don’t come back again. i wont forget. i wont forgive. (he’s the devil in this story you see.) when people ask why i chose to preach and how i wanted it to be. my answer is short, and simple, with that story and this creed. (i think?) ill connect the dots like theres no line. ill scream my words like theres no rhyme and ill keep holding on like theres no time, enough to fight what i know is true when im losing all i love and screaming to keep you. and when im pushing forward every single day, with the memories of all ive done in my head and the life its stealing away. i wont breathe. ill like it. and ill act like all these lies im spinning are exactly how im living, and what i believe. and they’ll believe me. thats what i tell them. its been five years. i cant believe it.
