What I’ve Made You
i made you what you are today and i kept you breathing when you wanted to die, and that’s all you could say. youre happy now because i gave it to you and sacrificed every ounce i had. you don’t look back because i made sure you couldn’t, losing my confidence and reputation at the same time. and that’s what makes me happy. or at least what keeps life bearable. and one day when youre married again with your new husbands kids, you’ll look at yourself and the life that you’ve made and think, goddamn i made a mistake. you gave up the one thing that saved you (me, even though i earned it) but confused it for something bigger. you’ll see me in your little ones face and cry every time youre upset thinking, it could’ve been mine, but you’ve lost all this time. i’ll be gone by then, based on how ive been drinking, and how much i care. but that’s fine cause ive got better places to be than here just wondering what i should be doing, feeling like i never really have a home. its strange, they can see me in your face, like your eyes are holding me captive and never letting me go. ive learned that no matter how much you say it. it doesn’t make it true. from there i can see you write letters to me but never send them. but it helps you, to make it seem like im alive and like you care enough to inform me about life. that’s what i imagine and that’s what they’ve told me, but what do they know. theyre all crazy right?