i have this dream. it’s a continuation of what my life used to be and it feels and looks like its what it would’ve been. its always summer and we’re sitting on our seat in your perfect little living room. youre in my arms like you always were and your mom is screaming from the other room asking for help with dinner. you roll your eyes like you always did and i smiled and pushed you up and followed right after to try and show off. we talk and giggle, and flirt and laugh and your mom thinks we’re funny but doesn’t really understand. your dad comes stumbling in the door after work. tired and hungry, but excited to see you and cutely smiles and gives you a hug. then shakes my hand. we all sit down and talk about the day, when i notice that your parents look aged. older than when i last saw them, but by years, not months. then i look at you. beautiful as ever and perfect still, but more mature, and i cant figure out why. and i look at my arms and theres more scars then before. theres more reminders of the problems with me and all the reasons you shouldve stayed away. but you didn’t. theres rings on our fingers, and i understand. my heart skips a beat, when i grin and you grab my hand, smiling and lean in for a kiss. i don’t remember how it ends, but i woke up smiling. and then broke down when i realized it wasn’t true. i dream it every night and its always the same. and i wake up in pain. but its worth it for that moment when i believe that its real. and i don’t want to give it up. so i won’t fight it. and i don’t think i could anyways.